Battery, Abuse, Bullying

I hate to admit that, even on this blog thing that Ocean writes when she comes to the sea and I transmit it to her, I have been abused physically. Even though he can't ever read this. That would make me afraid, but Mermen don't read, or speak, or understand your human languages, and, living in water, we can't have anything to do with electrical contraptions like the silver box Ocean brings with her when we meet. 
Why, she asked me, do you hate to admit something that was done to you? 
It's because it makes you feel shame, ashamed, that you weren't able to get away when someone bigger than you was hurting you.
The horror lasts. The feeling of having to swim away at any second, at never being able to trust any Mermen again, oh, just lots of fears...
My head is hurt.
There is a bump on it and a cut in the middle of what you call a forehead.
I was so afraid!
Not only because of the physical danger he put me in, but, since I knew I was bleeding - although our blood is entirely different from yours, just like all fish blood - and just knowing that any sharks nearby would be able to smell my blood and...it was horrifying!
I couldn't get away from him!
His possessiveness and mania to keep me from leaving him is so scary!
I don't feel free.
I feel owned!
And unlike so many humans, I do not have a family.
Some Mers, born in big clusters of eggs, emerge together, or around the same time, siblings, and they continue to be friendly all their lives, but in many cases, as with other fish eggs, many become dislodged from where the mother fish had lain them, and float wherever.
Some stay together, a very few, as in my case. I had been lain with I suppose a cluster of eggs, and one other remained close to me as we drifted away...so I had one siblings, a Brother.
A magnificent Merman, who'd been an enchanting MerBoy, a close, close sibling whom I adored more than all others in the world!
How I miss him now!
He would have torn that Merman to pieces for harming me!
I wouldn't have had to be alone with him, for my Brother would always have stayed within range for me.
I will tell what happened to my Brother another day.
For now, I will only relate that he is no longer on our, or your, plane.
Oh, yes, Mers die too.
Or are killed.
And I felt like I might be killed two days ago, on Saturday by your human reckoning. We Mers do not attempt to name or label much of Nature. We do not restrain or try to retain time. We go only by tides and currents and of course, Moons.
We have no need to measure, to weigh, or to compartmentalize.
We live in the free ocean, the Seven Seas.
Free for most - but never for battered Mermaids.
Not if a renegade or a domineering Merman is stalking them.


For now, I am safe.
For now.
I am healing from my ordeal, and happy I am alive.
I still do not know how to extricate myself safely from this relationship.
He swears he will not let me go - alive.
He'll find me wherever I go and...and...
He says he cannot live without me.
Of course, he doesn't ask how I feel.
I used to feel I loved him.
But love is feeling safe, first, and feeling free, second.
And I only feel scared...

A Near Escape

I have to write about this.
Sometime ago, I'd mentioned the Merman I'm seeing.
Still seeing, stupidly.
Partly becasue I'm not sure, caught off-guard, and partly because I'm afraid to leave him, since he stalks me when I do, I'm still seeing him.


Physical abuse hurts.
Hurts our psyches, our feelings, our feelings of self-worth.
He, this Merman, who is literally twice my size, and, being a Mer, is a very powerful male, is so afraid of losing me that he has made me want to leave him.
By being so possessive, by being so scary to me, and by, as with two nights ago, being physically abusive to me, he's making me wish he was an an entirely different ocean.


When his paranoia made him perceive that I was unhappy and he felt that I was about to leave for good, he threw me into a rocky cliffside, near where we had been swimming, eating the seaweeds that grow along the bank, and then, threatening to kill us both if he couldn't keep me, he put his hands across my mouth and nose, stopping me from taking in water!


I could have died!
And now my neck and shoulders, my side, and my spirit hurts.


I could have others help me - some Mermen I know - but then, I'd still be looking over my fins everywhere I turned, wondering when he would emerge through the gloom and overtake me - and really take us both down for good!


Oh, yes, Mermen, as your land men, get this way.
Far too many Mermaids and land women die at the hands of these vicious, controlling males every year.


Brutality, bullying someone smaller than oneself, is a horrible crime, and sometimes we feel there is nowhere to turn, no way to get away.


I'm praying to God for a door to open - the right door for me, and to be protected in the meantime, and I pray for all females, all kids, all smaller than the brutes they are forced to live around, until their liberation comes and they can, again, be free.


Pry for me.

The cure for anything is to do something to help someone who is helpless.
I've been swimming near Mexico, where the heroic people there have been lobbying and marching to stop the cruelty of bull fighting. It should be called something else, because it is not a fight, and not fair to the helpless bull, trapped in a ring with cruel people yelling while he is mercilessly stuck!
Please sign this:  http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/stop-bullfighting/